Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
