My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
