Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize