My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
