she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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