Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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