This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
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So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
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Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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