Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
