Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
