Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
