Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
