am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
