will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
