Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
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It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
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I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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