If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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