What a fucking waste of an outfit
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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