I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize