i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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