this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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