sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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