i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
