The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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