You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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