I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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