if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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