mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
