On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
