I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
