its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
