i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
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this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
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You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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