suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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