ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
