masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
