I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
