Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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