Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
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I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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