Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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