my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
