Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
