That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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