in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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