Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
