You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
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I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
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He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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