ya dads aren't the best wingmen
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
