I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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