The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
