I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
