she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
