so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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