honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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