i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
