I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
