apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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