so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
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It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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