you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?