Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
