How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize