I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
