Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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