Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize