Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
