im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
